i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
