if i can run in heels then i can drive
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
