The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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