jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like iHOP with fire
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
