sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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