when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
