6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
