every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just shotgunned beers for America
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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