these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
