Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
