First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
