i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize