mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
