ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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