btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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