you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
