whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
