Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
