Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
