Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
