I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
