we're chasing vodka with high fives
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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