oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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