A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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