I didn't shave. On purpose
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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