I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
is it fun? or sober?
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