so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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