my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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