when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
