i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
