ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
