you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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