he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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