fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
