Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
