I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
