You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
