I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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