bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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