What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just invented taco cereal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
