Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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