WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
