My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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