After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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