Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
