saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
