so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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