What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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