she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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