Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So much rum. So many feels.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
