It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
