It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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