Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
