every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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