D3 body, D1 cock
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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