was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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