probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
