He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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