Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mom said you looked used
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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