Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
