exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
