Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
