he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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