If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
