if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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