Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
