i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
