Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
