I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I believe in your delicious
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
