that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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