She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
