Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
