In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
