What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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