apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We got so high we made milksteak
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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