1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
