She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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