Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
