So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
