I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize