you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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