I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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