he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
