I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
