On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The best revenge is premature balding
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
