hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
