I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
vagina is talking i cant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
