i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
